Class embarrassment...

The other day I was running late to class because I forgot to staple my paper together.

I entered class and my teacher was still getting his notes together. 

So I went to the front and turned in my paper that happened to be two week late.

When I was walking off to my seat I accidentely kicked my teacher's bag,

then the strap ended up around my ankle and I dragged the bag a couple feet.

I shook the bag off my leg and ran to my seat. 

I sit down and look up and the bag is sitting in the middle of the floor.

Everyone is staring at me.

Then my friend says "WHY DON'T YOU GO PUT IT BACK?"

To which I reply "I can never go to the front of the class again"

And this girl got up from the other side of the room and put the bag back.

And for the rest of the night I was teased about the bag. 

So embarrassing. 

G's Love Story...

Last week:

G: "I don't think I will ever find a man who I would want to date. I'll probably just stay single forever, but I don't really care"

(Paraphrased into my own words)

This week:

G: "VIRGINIA I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU!"

So basically what had happened was there was an alumni soccer player, Daniel, visiting, who G knew.
She went to talk to him and she ended up meeting his friend, Brian,
who was also an alumni who graduated before G went to school here.
All three of them went to dinner.
But Gabby and Brian talked the entire time and hit it off great,
and when they said goodbye he kissed her on the forehead!
According to G,
they are basically the same person in different genders.
So the next day she invited him to something,
which ticked him off because he wanted to be a man and invite her to something first.
So he called her while she was at the mall with her short friend,
and he basically told her that he really liked her and was interested in her and wanted to go on a date with her.
Of course G said yes.
And they have been texting/talking ever since.

When she told me this story,
I decided that it would be a good idea to mix their faces and see if their babies would be cute.
So I got this app that morphs faces (or so it said).
And I morphed their faces.
(You should know that both G and Brian are white)
It took the app several minutes to generate,
I joked that it would probably be just a really bad photoshop morph.
Then it worked.
And G and I died laughing uncontrollably.
It was an adorable african-american child smiling at us.
Worst app ever.

So yeah,
essentially they are going to live happily ever after.

Speech...

This weekend I had to give a speech at the Carolina's Psychology Conference (CPC).
I was the last person in my group to speak.
When I started I was super nervous.
I decided to start by telling them a story that tied directly into my study.
It went like this:

"Imagine that you are going to your favorite grocery store,
you need peanut butter and bread.
You walk down the peanut butter aisle and you see a middle-aged, average looking man looking at the jams and jellies beside the peanut butter.
As you get closer to him you smell this horrible smell coming straight from him.
So you hold your breath and run past him trying to get past the smell as quick as you can without being rude.
You go down the next aisle, the bread aisle.
You see another middle-aged, average looking man down this aisle.
But this time,
as you get close to him,
you smell a pleasant smell.
It smells like a good cologne,
like a spicy cologne.
So you are able to pick out your bread without having to run past him or hold your breath."

At this point the entire group laughed.
I went on with my study and the audience was smiling most of the time.
This was strange because they were stone-faced initially.
I got to the end and I said,

"Odors may be easier to identify with males because men typically have jobs that smell bad. Such as garbage men...............and.................sewer men!" 

I legit thought that was an actual job,
but by the way the entire audience busted out laughing I realized it was not in fact a job.
Then we had question and answer time.
A lady asked what exactly does red fox pee smell like?
I answered:

"Well, it smells like meat and.......an old person's home!" 

As soon as that left my mouth I realized how horrible it was for me to say that.
At first there was an awkward chuckle,
but then a wave of laughter came from the crowd.
I made the mistake of making eye contact with the only old man in the crowd.
He looked less than amused.

So I said "I am so sorry! I didn't mean that in a derogatory sense, although that is what it smells like!"

Needless to say,
they will probably remember my speech.
Maybe not my data,
but my speech mix ups for sure.

I am officially a horrible driver...

I failed my driving test.
I try to make excuses about it,
but I am officially terrible at driving.
I decided not to practice driving before taking the test and just to take it.
I had no clue how to parallel park,
but I watched a bunch of YouTube videos on parallel parking.
I also have no clue how to park straight in a normal parking space.
So anyways,
this lady with poofy curly black hair told me to turn on the car and roll down the window,
she then told me to turn on my blinkers,
brakes,
LOW BEAMS (I fumbled for those),
and brights.
Then she got in the car and read a long monologue.
I backed straight out of the parking space and realized I had no clue where I was going,
so I hesitated for a little bit and then turned.
Then we went down this super curvy road and the lady says "What sign did we just pass?",
I thought it was probably some obscure street sign so I said "A school zone sign? I have no clue."
(It was a speed limit sign)
Then the lady told me to turn left ahead,
at the road next to the last house on the left,
after the last chain-link fence on the left,
and the road is called Ballpark Road.
So I look up and see that there is a stop light right after the last house on the left,
so my obvious reaction is that the road is at the stoplight.
No,
there is this small obscure road right beside the house that looks like a driveway.
So I swerve into the turn lane as fast as I can and there is a car coming so I stop until they pass.
According to the lady,
I stopped in the middle of incoming traffic.
I was two inches over the line.
Automatic disqualification.
So I drove back to the DMV and the lady got out of my car and I got out and she turned around and said,
"Aren't you going to turn off your car?"
So I shamefully walked back to my car and shut it off and then I walked into the DMV.
At this point there were several people who knew I was trying to get my license and so I had to walk past them to find my dad.
I couldn't find him so I went to the car to wait for him.
It was horrible.