Thursday, December 29, 2011

Death to the dreams...

Requiem for a dream has to be one of the saddest movies I have ever seen.
I have seen it twice now,
and each time I watch it it makes me just as sad as it did the first time I saw it.
It is not a fairy tale.
So,
I am going to summarize the movie for you.
Don't read the rest of this if you ever plan on watching it.

Sarah Goldfarb.
Sarah is an elderly widow who has one son. Her son steals her TV to sell to get money to buy drugs. She always goes and buys her TV back. The only thing she does is watch TV. One day she gets a call from a TV show saying that she was selected to appear on the show. She is overjoyed. She goes to her closet to try on the pretty red dress she wore at her son's graduation.It is way too small. She tries a diet of eggs and grapefruit. This lasts one day and she decides to get diet pills from the doctor. He gives her pills that kick in immediately. She loses her appetite completely and becomes super happy. However, she starts mixing the pills up, and she starts taking more than prescribed. She becomes addicted. She starts hallucinating. She puts on her red dress and goes to the TV show office and tries to talk to the lady at the front desk. She is all out of sorts and nothing anyone says to her goes through. She keeps talking about going on TV with her deceased husband and her son. They take her to a psychiatric ward and try to feed her. She refuses food. They try to put in a food tube. She refuses that as well. So they give her electric shock therapy. She becomes docile and complacent.


She ends up in the psychiatric ward, 
constantly hallucinating about being on TV.









Harry Goldfarb.
Harry is Sarah's only son. He is addicted to heroin, among other drugs. He lives in an apartment with his friend Tyrone. They make a plan to make money by buying drugs in bulk and reselling them for a higher value. They end up making loads of cash. Harry and his girlfriend, Marion, go and make a down-payment on a studio for Marion to sell her clothing designs. They were making enough money that pretty soon they would be able to buy it. However, the man they bought money from was killed. So their funds started to dry up. Harry and Tyrone decide that their only choice is to drive to a different location to get more drugs to sell. On their way, Harry looks at his arm and sees that his arm is becoming infected from using dirty needles to inject heroin. The pain in his arm becomes unbearable, so he goes to the hospital. The doctor, instead of treating the infection, calls the police. Harry gets so sick that they send him back to the hospital. He wakes up in the hospital with no left arm.


He calls for Marion.
The nurse says she will come.
But he knows she will not.







Tyrone Love.
Tyrone gets arrested by the police and ends up in jail. He has major withdrawal symptoms in jail, but he can't do anything about it. He is made to work.



He wants to go home.
But he is stuck in a jail cell.






Marion Silver.
Marion lives with her parents. They give her whatever she wants as long as she goes and sees her therapist once a month. She designs clothing and wants to own her own store. She is ecstatic when Harry and her finally find the perfect place. When things start going downhill, she starts getting upset at Harry for not trying harder. She decides that the only place she can then get help is from her therapist. She spends a night in Hell with her therapist. When she gets home, she finds Harry who tells her that they failed to get more drugs to sell. She and Harry get into a fight, and Harry gives her the number of a man who she can call if she wants to make more money. He leaves her with Tyrone. She tries to kill herself by drowning, but she doesn't have the will power. She calls the man who has her do horrible things. She, essentially, becomes a sex toy. She comes home from the man's house, after she has been completely ravished of any possible dignity she had left, with wads of money.


She smiles.
But it will fade when the money fades.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Driving...

My siblings hate it when I drive.
My sister freaks out every time I drive.
She screams at the stoplights.
She flinches when I pass cars.
She holds on for her life when I make turns.
My brother tries to help me when I drive.
He tells me to ease up on the gas.
He tells me to apply more gas.
He tells me to not be so jerky.
He tells me to stop at the yellow light.
He tells me to go at the yellow light.
I think I would be better off just driving on my own.
Ugh.

I'm cold...

I have had a cold since I have gotten home from Kailagh's house.
I can't seem to shake it and it is driving me crazy.
I don't get sick very often,
at least not sick enough to go to the doctor.
But when I do,
I either get really sick,
or I get sick for a long time.
Anyways,
I am being really short with most people because I don't feel so great.
My eyes itch.
I'm tired.
I'm freezing cold.
I am congested to the point that it is hard for me to breathe sometimes.
I am sure I will get over it soon.
But I am too impatient to wait to get better,
so I am probably making it worse by doing tons of things.
Oh well.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Oh Ollie...

My cat Ollie,
is a mutt.
She looks like a pile of dust.
She only weighs six pounds,
but she is about seven years old.
I used to think that the other cats were constantly bothering her.
Whenever I would hear a cat scream,
I would find a dejected looking Ollie and a guilty looking cat.
Recently,
I have been watching her more closely.
It seems that she is bringing this discord upon herself.
She will wait until my other cat,
Kee,
is comfortable and then she will get in his face until he smacks her,
and she starts crying.
Yesterday,
I went into the basement to find my older cat,
Kitten,
lying in the one sunny spot.
Ollie was standing behind Kitten screeching.
Kitten was trying to sleep,
but Ollie was hindering that action.
So I stood off to the side and tried to call Ollie to come over to where I could pick her up.
Ollie didn't budge.
She stood there screeching.
I screamed at the top of my lungs and Ollie finally looked at me.
Her face was so pitiful.
She started inching towards me at the rate of one foot per hour.
So I yelled at her again and she finally came over.
If looks could kill.
So now,
I just lock Ollie away from the other cats,
and we all get along just fine.
For the most part.

Some people think cats have no personality.
Those people are ignorant.
Cats have just as much personality,
if not more,
than dogs.
You just have to get to know them.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Christmas shopping...

I completely fail at shopping for presents.
Yesterday,
I went to a thrift store and found a ton of cool things.
The bad thing is that 75% of what I got was for me.
So far,
I have finished shopping for Eleanor.
I am partially finished shopping for Michael.
I haven't even started shopping for Mom and Dad and Will.
My mom will be easy to shop for,
she hates surprises so she tells us one thing that we can get her and that is it.
It's pretty lame,
but then again she's pretty stubborn.
(thankfully I didn't inherit that gene)
Dad just wants candy;
this would not be a problem if Mom didn't ban him from eating candy.
So I have no clue what to get him.
Maybe I will get him a shirt.
Will is the hardest to shop for.
I think I will just make him a bracelet or something.
He is pretty opinionated,
but I never know what he likes or dislikes.
His style changes with the week.
All I know is that this entire month,
I have gotten myself tons of presents.
So I'm set.
Clothes-wise,
I am set for life.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Oh my stars...

My friend, 
Bibi, 
moved here from Spain a few years ago.
But she was only here for two years until she moved back.
Her brother,
Josue,
came home one day and dropped an entire plate of cookies.
When he did this he proclaimed,
"Oh my crap!"
And my twin and I burst out laughing.
He looked at us with a puzzled expression and said,
"That's what they say in America!
Oh my crap!"
To which I replied,
"No, 
Josue,
it's "oh crap".


Saturday, December 17, 2011

Wait, what if I wasn't finished with that...

Yesterday, 
I was eating dinner at Kailagh's house.
I had a salad fork leftover.
I do not eat salad.
Rebecca was cleaning the table and grabbed my salad fork.
At that exact moment,
Kailagh's mother was taking the spaghetti sauce and the Parmesan cheese off the table. 
And I said to Rebecca,
"Wait! What if I wasn't finished with that?"
However,
I was zoned out in the direction of Kailagh's mother and not Rebecca.
And she thought I was talking to her and she gave me an appalled face.
And I said,
"No!"
And I burst out laughing. 
It was so embarrassing.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

did you really just say that...

Sometimes people say something that completely applies to themselves.
For instance,
This girl was in my room talking to my roommate,
and the people in the hall were being slightly,
er,
rambunctious.
And she says
"some people are just so rude!
Don't they know people are trying to study?
Why are they being so loud?"
I burst out laughing and pretended it was because of something on my computer.
This girl is the loudest person I know.
It was so crazy!
I mean,
I know I say stuff like that all the time.
But usually I point it out.
I don't think she even realized it.
Which made me think and come to the conclusion that:
you never really know what you are struggling with until you judge others for it.
I know this is true because every time I tell Becca something,
I stop and say,
"Oh my stars, I do that all the time!"
It is just a little awful.
So maybe I should stop trying to fix everyone else's flaws before I look at my own.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

I hate being upset...

I don't get upset often.
Or at least I didn't used to.
Recently I have gotten upset a lot more than usual.
I have taken it out on my friends lately.
Although I'm not upset with my friends.
I feel like I should tell them what is bugging me,
but I don't really want to talk about it.
Essentially,
I am upset with myself.
It's not really that big of a deal.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

I make bad decisions...

Sometimes I make terrible decisions.
I have a test today for my Bible class.
Instead of studying for it last night,
I made cookies and went to Taco Bell.
Although I definitely don't regret my decision to go to Taco Bell,
I think I probably should have focused on studying rather than getting enough sleep.
Now I am frantically trying to memorize things.
I don't even know the books of the Bible past Isaiah.
Next year I will study earlier.












Yeah right.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Caffeine Shy...

I don't drink coffee.
I don't typically like coffee.
Yesterday I had to write a paper.
I was super tired.
I decided that it was a good day for coffee.
I drank two and a half cups of coffee.
It was great.
I was up until 3 am.
Today I drank two more cups.
It is miserable.
I am so tired.
But I can't sleep.
Bad idea.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

I could be a writer...

I used to want to be a writer.
Today I found that I would be an awful writer.
I spent 10+ hours writing one page of horribleness.
The paper was supposed to be on bilingualism.
It turned into how children develop based on the animals they grew up with.
Then I realized that wouldn't work.
So now it is about bilingualism again.
I wish I was bilingual.
But I'm not.
Therefore I only view things from one perspective.
Thus I would be an awful writer.
The title of this post is a lie.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Cute...

The smell of snow.
The sound of nervous laughter.
The sight of babies tripping over their feet.
The touch of a hand. 
The taste of strawberry cake.

Friday, December 2, 2011

my face tells all...

sometimes i wish i was better at lying.
when people ask me a simple yes or no question,
it really doesnt matter what i say 
because you can see the answer in my face regardless.
no matter how composed i am, 
there are some questions i just cant lie about.